“How do you deal with in-laws living with you?” is a question that is important for any individual sharing their home with their spouse’s parents. It is extremely important to have a grip over things. Else, you will end up messed up forever. Unless you set clearly defined boundaries well within time, you will lose all control – of the house as well as of your own self.
Marriage – a big change in life
Life surely changes after marriage – at least for most of us. Not only do we embrace that change but make an effort to accept this change willingly. We try our level best to be accepted in a new home and stay well behaved at all times.
However, issues begin to emerge if you land up in a family where you are expected to stay with your in-laws at all times. Now staying with the in-laws is not a bad thing if you understand each other well.
But if your new family already assumes that you should be subjugated and that your voice means nothing, then surely you are headed for doom. Either way, you should be intelligent enough to know how to deal with in-laws living with you, without disturbing your mental health.
1. Stop ‘being perfect’
One of the biggest mistakes new brides or even experienced daughter in laws commit is to push themselves too hard towards perfection in front of in-laws. What needs to be understood is that perfection is a myth.
So stop being so hard on yourselves. Stay the way you are as a person. This way your in-laws will learn to accept you in your true being. Else, you will end up being drained and mentally exhausted. Never ever try to be perfect.
2. Set respectful boundaries
Setting boundaries is very important if you are living in the same household. Without setting proper boundaries from day one, you are voluntarily giving unlimited access to you, to anybody sharing the household. Boundaries help in keeping a healthy distance from one another. Without having them, you will not only have your own peace ruined but will also not respect the peace of mind of any members living with you.
3. Be assertive
Being assertive is crucial for one’s persona. Assertiveness implies that you are confident of yourself as a person. Assertiveness does not mean that you bypass everybody else. It simply means to value your own beliefs and value systems as well. Remember that you cannot spend an entire lifetime being meek and silent.
4. Don’t start fights
Please do not be in the habit of picking fights. It is an irksome trait in a person. Try being the bigger person and talking out things rather than arguing about them. Do not look for faults in others; look out for positives.
It is always better to stay calm, hear everyone out and then offer your stance, rather than not listening to anyone and being impatient. A family that solves issues calmly tends to be happier.
5. Learn to let go
Letting go is a quality that will enable you to keep your peace of mind. Letting go does not mean that you are weak. On the contrary, it indicates your strength as an individual. The more evolved you are as a person, the more easily you will be able to let go.
Be it situations, or people, or just emerging negativity, learn to let go with ease. Trust me, your life will be way happier and simpler. Losing one’s peace of mind is never a good thing.
6. Maintain respect
Maintaining respect at all times will help you in maintaining a more cordial environment at home. The more respectful you are as a person, the more respect you will earn in return. Now being respectful does not mean being subjugated.
Not at all. Being respectful means staying polite and valuing others around you. Respectful behaviour leads to happier homes consisting of happier people in return. Happiness is always worth it.
7. Don’t sacrifice
Sacrifice is something that is permanent and irreversible. Adjustment, on the other hand, is temporary and helps you in adapting. Giving up on your innermost desires and on your own ‘self’ as a person will prove detrimental.
Therefore, learn to adjust but never to sacrifice. If anybody expects you to sacrifice anything that is dear to you, sit with them and tell them that it is brutal to expect somebody to sacrifice something that is dear to them.
8. Never seek approval
True approval always comes from within. Hence, never seek approval from other people. This includes even your closest people. Respecting your in-laws is different from seeking approval, which is a pathetic thing.
Seeking approval implies that you are low on self esteem and that you just don’t have any say or mind of your own. Please do not be in the category of people who keep seeking approval. It will subjugate you as a person.
How to deal with in-laws living with you if you come from a nuclear family?
In contemporary times, most of us tend to be born and brought up in nuclear families. The usual members are 4 to 5 and the family comprises parents and children only. However, even in the changing times, in several parts of the world there are people who live in joint families. Now living in a joint family isn’t a bad thing.
In fact, it can have many advantages as well. So please do not enter a new home or a family with a stereotyped mindset. See things first, observe the functioning of a family and only then decide whether their way of life is good or bad for you.
One way or the other, give all of it a little time to be a part of your new home. Also, the other members will take some time to be a part of your life. So take your time to settle. Things don’t always turn out bad. It is us who assume the worst in change and end up being miserable.
Remember, the only thing constant in life is change.